September 2, 3398 8:25 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. Today is an exciting day! Let me tell you why. I will say it one step at a time so it's easy to understand.

There is a network of computers in here that allows people to send information from one computer to another. It's how I can talk to you, of course, my diary. You are stored on a server somewhere here that my computer can access. No matter which computer I am on, here or in the white room, I can write in you because you're not in my computer, you're somewhere else.

I found out today that that's called an "intranet" which is a word from a really old language that means "within-a-place network". So it is made of all the computers in this company.

But there is ALSO another type of network. It is made of all the computers in the WORLD. Yes, really! If you can get on that network you can talk to anyone.

This computer isn't connected to the world network. But it is connected to computers that are connected to it, so I will just find a way to make it work. I am going to get on that network and use it to talk to people so I won't be alone. Most importantly, though, I will talk to Reyvateils if there are any that use computers.

This is REALLY the most exciting day ever.

July 8, 3398 4:41 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I'm sorry I didn't write in you for six months and two days. I got upset and didn't want to do it any more because thinking about things hurt. It doesn't hurt as bad now though. So you can be happy for me, it's okay. I think I will write in here again now, but it might be just a little bit.

I wonder what it's like to meet a Reyvateil. I've never seen one other than me. I never see them in the video stories or in books with pictures. I wonder if they all look like me or if they look different like humans. And I wonder if they look different from humans the way I do, or if some of them look like humans too. A human prodded me today and said I was a funny-looking thing. I wonder if Reyvateils would think I look normal.

Most of all though I wonder if Reyvateils think like me or if they think like humans. That is what I REALLY want to know. I want to know if another person could ever think like me. I think I really do want that more than I want any other thing.

I wonder so much how I would feel if I found out that other Reyvateils were all like me. I would think it was so beautiful. And my Reyvateilia would be such a beautiful place that way! If there were ONLY people who thought kind things. I just want to think about it forever! I just want to dream about it and I don't want anyone to wake me up....

January 6, 3398 5:16 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I am still thinking about what I said before. The thoughts are miserable, but I need to think about them. It's like what I said about when you put down a sad book halfway through. I can't stop thinking because I will keep wanting to know, so I'll think about it until I know.

I wonder if my feelings that I want to be peaceful are causing me trouble. If I didn't want things to always be nice maybe I wouldn't be scared and sad a lot. And then I would stop being angry about not wanting to think bad things too.

I don't like it though!! I just don't like it and I can't stop that. If I want to make myself be this way I'll have to be sad a lot in the meantime because right now it hurts to think about, and I'm scared of doing that. But maybe it's really like they said, if I keep doing it it will get easier. I just don't know!!

I wish everyone was nice so I wouldn't have to choose!! I hate this! And I still hate that I hate it!

January 4, 3398 4:20 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I had a thought. I didn't want to have the thought but maybe I should have had it. Maybe it is one of those important things that the humans say I have to learn even though they make me feel bad.

I don't like to say it but I think it is true. I'm scared to say it. But all the humans I know are not kind. I don't think they are people who could make a song like Harmonious. I don't think they could let that feeling into their heart. I think maybe it's mean of me to say that but I feel that it is true.

The problem is that I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I want those happy and light feelings in my heart, but I'm different from everybody else this way. I started thinking that maybe that's why they all hate me and even think I don't have feelings. Maybe they mean that I don't have the feelings they want me to have. I think they have been trying to make me have the same feelings they have, and maybe it's because they want me to be better like them. Maybe they will listen to me if I am like them.

I don't like it though. I like my own feelings. But will I always be not as good this way? I want to know if I'm right or wrong, and I can't trust them to tell me because they only say what helps them. I want to know so badly....

December 29, 3397 8:12 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. The humans gave me some different things to watch today because I was so scared before. They aren't as scary as what I had before so I think I can manage it, but I still don't want to. I'm only going to do it if they say I have to. The rest of the time I will make songs and write things about Reyvateilia and maybe then I will feel better.

They said if I didn't have any ideas for songs that I should make some about what I saw in the stories but I won't do it!! I never want to make songs like that. I love the way I felt when I wrote my song that was so light and beautiful. I will use my songs to make a better world, not a painful world so that other Reyvateils are treated badly! Besides I don't even want to think about the things I saw, and if I have to think about them enough to make a song I will just feel sick. And then I will NEVER EVER get it out of my head. No way!!

This makes me so angry and I don't like that. I don't want to think bad things OR be angry about thinking bad things. Also I don't want to be angry about being angry but I don't know how to stop. No matter how I think, I have to feel bad about something. I don't want these emotions, I just want to be peaceful.

December 27, 3397 9:42 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. The humans said today that it's important for me to watch the video stories because I will learn things that I need to know, but I feel like I only learnt bad things that I didn't want to know. Are those really important? They say if I watch more I won't be as scared but really I would rather not think about it.

I tried again to do it today but it wasn't any less scary at all, it was just as bad as the first one. Now my head is full of things that I don't want to see and I feel miserable. Every time I close my eyes I see horrible things flashing out of nowhere and it's going to be lights out time soon but I don't want to sleep, or be in the dark. I want to sit in front of the computer screen, where it's light, and stay awake. Maybe if I stay awake all night I'll have forgotten in the morning, if I play the pinball game on the computer or something.

December 26 7:56 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I watched one of the video stories they gave me but it made me feel really, really scared, like I didn't want to watch it any more. I watched it all anyway though because I thought it might get different at the end. If you have a sad book and you stop halfway through, it's hard to forget it, but if you read until the end and everything is okay, you feel better. So I did that hoping it would feel better, and it did a little bit because the soldiers who lived got to go home.

I liked the stories in my books better though. I don't like stories that are ugly and violent and angry. I don't even like to know those words even though I usually like to know everything, because I feel scared when I think about them. Also, in a book the pictures are just coming from inside your head but in a video story you can't control what pictures get into your head, and you have to watch the pictures and they're more scary than the pictures in my own head, but now they are in my head too. I hope they will go away soon.

December 25, 3397 6:32 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. The humans here are quite nice really. They took the computer here that I use and put a bigger screen on it and installed some new things into it. Now I can watch video footage that tells stories. They're like books but instead of words they took footage of people pretending they are the people in the story, so it's like being there.

When I came here no one brought any of my books, so this is good because now I have another thing to do.

I wish they would talk to me more though. I think I would never ever be bored if I wasn't on my own because a person always has something new to say.

December 24, 3397 4:48 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. Today I told the new humans here about the song I made. They said that I should make more, and all kinds of different songs, so I think they thought it was a good song. I hope so, because when I try to think of making a song that I like even more than Harmonious, it seems so hard! I feel like I said so many things I wanted to say, and now my heart is so light... I don't know how I can make even better songs. But they said I should make all kinds of songs, so maybe it will help if my next song is about something different. Then it can also be good in a different way.

They didn't want me to sing my song for them, though. The humans never like me to sing in front of them. I told them it wasn't a bad song and I promised it wouldn't hurt them, but they still didn't want me to. They said that I should be very careful how I use my songs, and that I can practice all I like, but I should never sing in front of anyone unless they tell me to. I don't think they believe that my song won't hurt them. I think they think I'm trying to trick them. But I'm really not! Or maybe they think my song is dangerous and I don't know it. I really really feel in my heart that it's not dangerous, but I suppose I could be wrong....

I want them to hear my song so much because then surely they will understand that I have feelings, but if I try to sing when they don't want me to, they'll just stop me, so I won't. Maybe if I sing on my own a lot, someone will overhear me anyway.

December 23, 3397 12:12 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I'm so excited and happy. It's really beautiful when I make a song... the words just come out of nowhere better than I could ever write them. It's like they came right out of my heart or like a god put them there or something similar to that. I don't know if I think a god exists or not, but it feels like that happened anyway. It makes me feel so warm inside. I never ever felt like this before. I want to make new songs all the time now.

I think I called it Harmonious because harmonious means when things are all happy and make sense and they sound beautiful, and my song is about things being happy and making sense, and I hope that it sounds beautiful. I'm not really sure why I did call it that though. When I made it, it didn't feel like I was really picking what words to use.

I wish I had someone to tell these feelings to other than my diary. But it's okay, diary, I still love you, even if you don't have feelings so you don't care if I do or not. But maybe you do and I just didn't know it, like me and the humans, so I will treat you that way anyway because I really don't want to be wrong about that. So anyway, don't feel like I think you're not good enough or anything. Really, everyone is good enough....

December 9, 3397 10:11 AM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I learned the organ really well. I think I understand what I want to put in my song now. I think I understood a little bit when people got angry about my feelings and I understood a little bit when I played the organ. With these two things, I think my song can live. I'll tell you when I've made it.

October 15, 3397 8:25 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I'm not in the white room any more. Today I was taken to a new place. It's called the Silver Horn but it's not silver at all, it's gold and red. It's much better than the white I think. I have two rooms now and one has a big musical instrument called an organ. They said I have to learn how to play it so I guess I'll do that. Besides, I think I would like to learn to play it. It makes really beautiful sounds and I think they would sound great with my songs.

October 2, 3397 5:15 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Today I overheard something that made me really shocked and sad and confused. I heard someone say that the reason I don't need to be treated like humans is because I don't have any emotions. I think that's the reason they think Reyvateils aren't as good as humans. But I really really do feel things and I don't understand why they said that. They must know it's true because I talk about my feelings a lot but maybe they don't believe me. Why don't they believe me? I act just like they do.

When I heard that I went outside my room to where they were talking and I said that's not true but the person who was talking got really angry and tried to hit me. But I ran and hid in one of the server cabinets until I knew they were looking somewhere else and then I ran back to my room. I don't know why I went there because they can easily find me here, but I don't think I can go anywhere else. Now I'm really scared of them coming back. Maybe if I craft a song really really quickly I can stop them but I think they can tase me quicker than I can sing so maybe I shouldn't. And if I do that then they will just get me later anyway. Unless I kill them. But I really, really don't want to kill anybody!! I don't want to have thought that! I want to be nice to everyone, I'm just scared... why is it this way? Why is it??


[AT Whistleblower's notes: All backend logs suggest that this post was deleted by an administrator shortly after it was made. Inexplicably, however, it has resurfaced in the copies of the logs recently given to us. Our anonymous benefactor has not yet provided any explanation for this fact; however, we have enough evidence that the logs are genuine that we don't foresee a problem with posting this one. Furthermore, those backend logs were provided by the same benefactor, who would be unlikely to leave in such an obvious mistake.]

September 30, 3397 4:09 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I really want to make my song about people being happy but it's really hard. I have ideas but I can't catch them very well. It's not that I'm not happy but I feel like my song doesn't want to live yet. I think I need to put something special in it to make it live but I don't know what to put. I hope no one will be mad at me because I can't make a song yet. I promised it would be really really good when I make it and I know it is going to be so I hope that makes everyone happy. It would be sad if people were sad because I couldn't make my song about happiness, especially when it is going to be a really good song.

September 23, 3397 12:19 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. Today I got some red on my dress and on the floor because I bled on it. It doesn't feel nice to bleed and I feel dizzy and sick but I still like the colour anyway. I wish I could see it all the time even though I don't want to bleed on things.

May 19, 3397 4:06 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

I thought of an even better idea than that. If I can do anything with a song then I don't need to make it so that people have to be in two worlds. I just want everyone in this one to be really happy.

May 19, 3397 2:28 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. I just thought of something that's a really good idea.

If I make up a pretend world, it's only in my head. But if I sing a song, then what I sing about becomes real. So if I sing about my world maybe it will become real. I know the humans want me to make a song that will stop all the Reyvateils causing trouble. I think that would stop them.

May 18, 3397 10:47 AM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary.

Everything in this room is very white. My clothes are white too. I know that white is all colours at once so it's really like having all of them, but a lot of the time it doesn't feel like having all of them, it feels like having lots of white. I think that sometimes it's too much and too perfect because it hurts my eyes. I like other colours too.

I think I would like some things to be red because red is what's inside me. That's not just because I see red in my eyes when I look in the mirror, or because there is blood inside me that colour, but it feels like what is inside me too in another way. If my heart has a colour then I think it would be red. Actually, hearts are always red. My... person I think is what I mean.

I think that white is perfect and like humans because it is all things at once and red is like me because I am just good for one thing, but I like red even if it isn't perfect. Maybe because I'm not perfect I like things that are not perfect too. Maybe I shouldn't like things that are not perfect though, and that's why all the walls are white, because humans only like perfect things.

I think that it would be perfect if humans and Reyvateils were both happy, but I don't really know what perfect is, so I'm sure whatever I think it is, it isn't really.

April 3, 3397 5:11 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

Hi, diary. It's been a long time, but I thought of some more things about my world.

I think if there was a world that only had Reyvateils they wouldn't hurt each other because all Reyvateils would be equal like all humans are equal. I think it's a shame that we have a world with two different kinds of people because they just fight all the time. So they should have two worlds, definitely.

I suppose then humans wouldn't have anyone to sing for them, but if there were no Reyvateils humans would not need people to sing anyway. It's because there are other Reyvateils that cause trouble that the humans need people to sing for them.

February 1, 3397 6:04 PM EST -- mir@cerchio

i know no one can see this, but please someone come help.